Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:3-9 ESV)
My dear Susan,
I’ve struggled to compose a message for you this Christmas and I suspect that you’ll find this writing a bit disjointed. But my goal is to highlight two developments in my relationship with God. That said, you will probably respond with “duh, I could’ve told you that”!
Though I’ve struggled with this message, my greater struggle has been with Christmas. I know that doesn’t surprise you; I often could be a bit of a Grinch as the holiday approached. Yet, this year has been much worse.
Certainly, some of my feelings are common for grieving persons during holiday periods. But my angst is furthered by the fact that Christmas now involves certain depressing anniversaries. Your tumor was discovered hours after my office Christmas party in 2018. And, of course, Christmas 2020 was much worse because it was quickly followed by that heartbreaking decision to admit you to hospice.
All of us are guilty of blurring the true meaning of Christmas with our various traditions. Of course, many are good and provide wonderful, lasting memories. Unfortunately for me, those old traditions have been overcome by these new traditions of loss. I’ve had no appetite for Christmas songs, trees, gatherings, presents, etc. And Santa is wise to avoid our home. Well before Thanksgiving, I had decided that I would basically limit my celebration of Christmas to attending church services. The thought of being in church on Christmas was comforting. The thought of decorating a tree stimulated anger.
Earlier this week, my morning reading included the above passage from Peter’s first epistle. Upon reading, I was bewildered by that little phrase, “though now for a little while”. How can I describe my grief as just some short-lived trial? How can I describe myself as rejoicing? I am so weary of grieving, but I can’t ease the pain no matter what I try. And compared to your own suffering, my trial has been easy – yet I struggle greatly. So, what does that say about my faith?
Yesterday, I was invited to serve as an usher at one of the Christmas Eve services. It was the family service, structured for the children. It wouldn’t have been my pick of the four services, but I am very glad that I served. It was good to be in God’s house and busy with a “job”. More importantly, it calmed me and thus allowed me to reflect more on Peter’s passage. My focus moved to the analogy comparing the refining & testing of faith to that of gold via fire. That analogy of refining comforted me. My faith is far from perfect, but I have not given up on God. Granted, I’ve had some angry prayers and posed some difficult questions to him. But I know myself very well. I know that – if left only to my own strength and wisdom – I would have quit on God. But despite my behavior, he has not let me go.
The second development occurred this morning in the Christmas Day service. As the liturgy moved towards the communion, the priest read the below usual preface before the congregation sang the Sanctus and Benedictus hymns of praise:
Therefore with Angels and Archangels, and with all the company of heaven, we laud and magnify thy glorious Name; evermore praising thee, and saying…
Suddenly the significance of those words – “with all the company of heaven” – was illuminated for me. At that moment, both you and I were joining together in a hymn to praise our Lord! How wonderful!
For so long now, I’ve been asking God to cement his eternal promises within my heart and mind. My struggles have caused me to question if God is listening. But I am mistaking his refining process as a lack of attention or concern. In the midst of a trial, we often fail to see how God is already working to strengthen us; we only can see our failure. We can only see the dross. But he can already see the gold that he is forming.
Merry Christmas Baby!
Love,
Tom
God Speaks 